my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I feel like abortions should bother me more
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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