I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
