This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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