Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The air taste purple.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
