your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
