Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize