I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
