i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
