i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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