I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
