Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
