so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I forget how to act sober
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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