The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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