I wanna passion pit in your ass
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
