meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
