More tranny stories later!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
