im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
