My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
