i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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