I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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