my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
