Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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