I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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