guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
