just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
