So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
