The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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