Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
