Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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