Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
