you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
