you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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