you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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