Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
