I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
