Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
