Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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