So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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