i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
