I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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