we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
