Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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