so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
