if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
