I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your penis caused this!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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