you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
