I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
