508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
