I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
