He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
