there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
