Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
